


Alone in a Crowded Room

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-01
Updated: 2006-02-09
Packaged: 2018-12-27 06:00:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian is a 30 year old school teacher who has drifted into town. Justin is 16 and working at the local diner. Brian is Justin's new high school teacher and the two struggle to maintain a platonic relationship in a small, but affluent town.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: This is my first attempt at fanfiction so be kind! I am always looking to improve my craft so please read and review. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this fic as much as I enjoy the fics that I have read on this site!   


* * *

_Where are you now?_  
As I'm swimming through the stereo   
I'm writing you a symphony of sound   
Where are you now?   
As I rearrange the songs again   
This mix could burn a hole in anyone   
But it was you I was thinking of...   
\- The Mixed Tape, Jack’s Mannequin 

 

I should have known we would end up here. It’s two in the morning and the passing train is drowning out the song coming from his jeep’s stereo. We always seem to find ourselves in this place. The train station is our haven, our calm in the storm. I lean into his body. I tell myself that It’s due to the copious amount of weed we’ve indulged in. I tell myself that my high has made me desperate for a place to rest my head, to still the spinning of my surroundings. That’s what I tell myself, but I know that I’m really leaning into him for the opportunity to feel his lean body against mine, even if our skin is separated by multiple layers of clothing. 

He called me hours ago asking me to smoke with him, to keep him company while he surrendered to insomnia. He should know by now that the answer would be yes, it’s always yes. These late night meetings have become the mainstay of my sanity since he showed up in town. He came into my life just three months ago, and since then there has been a piece of him in every second of every one of my days. I find myself thinking about how lucky I am that his finger landed on the name of my town as he closed his eyes, letting fate determine his next destination, and pointed to a random spot on the flimsy gas station map. 

I was working the breakfast shift at our local small-town diner the morning I met him. He sauntered through the door while he pulled off his sunglasses and took a seat at the counter in front of me. I remember the way everyone followed his movement with their eyes as he made his way over to me. Our town rarely sees any fresh meat. Everyone wondered about the hot new guy in town. As I looked into his eyes I found myself wanting to know his story too. I wanted to know everything about the man I was certain I would fall for if given the chance. 

He told me his name, Brian, and that he was going to be taking up residence in our fine community. I poured his coffee and offered him the real estate listings from the newspaper. I was surprised that he continued to chat with me as he skimmed the listings for his new home. I discovered that he was older than me, 30 to my 16, but that didn’t throw me off. Something about him was ageless, and it wasn’t just his deceptively youthful appearance. Much to my dismay, I also discovered that he would be the new Literature teacher at my high school. 

If anything, these facts just made him more alluring. He didn’t look like a teacher. He wore designer boots with tight jeans and a track jacket that fit snugly against his perfect chest. His chestnut hair was somewhat shaggy and fell into his eyes, much like my blonde bangs did on a regular basis. His perfectly chiseled jaw was covered with a sexy stubble that I wanted to feel against my neck. He looked like a guy who would own an independent record store, not provide an education to the troubled youth of our sleepy town. 

He waited for me to get off work so that I could show him around. We talked about everything and nothing. We discovered we had a love for the same music, film, and literature. I felt like someone finally understood me. I had spent my entire life being the odd man out and I had finally found someone that existed on my wavelength. Too bad he had to be in a position of authority over me, although that could be hot...but i digress.

He told me he didn’t care about my age, he just wanted to hang out with me. Over the next week I helped him pick the perfect apartment, with dark wood floors and stainless steel appliances. We moved his things into the two bedroom space and wandered around around the town for hours taking in the starry sky and the christmas lights that decorated the trees along our main street. 

My parents were drunks and hardly even knew i existed, so they never noticed my frequent absences from home. Brian was constantly asking me to keep him company during those ghostly hours when everyone else is asleep and it feels like the world doesn’t exist outside of the confines of his vehicle. We lounged around his apartment most of the time, but every night we spent the beginning of our time together getting high in his Jeep as we counted the cars on the trains that passed through the station. 

It was the beginning of summer then, but now it’s turning to fall and the crispness of the air reminds us that school is starting in a few days and then our lives are going to get a little more complicated. We haven’t even so much as held hands yet, but I can feel that tension in the air between us. Despite our agreement that we should ignore the fact that we are both gay and gorgeous, and keep our relationship strictly platonic, there is an unspoken attraction that pulls us towards each other as a social standard keeps our need for a deeper connection at bay. 

I lean into him more now, letting my forehead rest against his chest as I twist my body around in the passenger seat to get comfortable. He releases his hold on the carb of the glass pipe, letting the smoke fill his lungs as he holds his breath to let it penetrate his being. Shortly after, the smoke lazily dances out of his mouth, making the windows of the car fog up as the smoke diffuses through our surroundings. The rise and fall of his chest speeds the beating of his heart and gives me something to concentrate on as my mind wanders into that THC induced state of mind where you manage to think of everything and absolutely nothing in particular at the same time...


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: Apparently dialogue isnâ€™t my forte. Iâ€™m working on it though! Iâ€™m more of a lazy stream-of-consciousness gal. For now, this chapter is Brianâ€™s POV. Think of these first two chapters as something of a prelude to the action. I hope I can pull it off!  


* * *

_Oh, it's a picture of perfection  
Ah, and the postcards gonna read  
"Fuck yeah we can live like this...  
We can live like this"  
But if you left it up to me  
Everyday would be  
A holiday from real..._  
-Holiday From Real, Jack’s Mannequin 

 

Justin is leaning into my chest and I can’t tell whether it’s my proximity to the blonde that’s making my heart race, or if It’s just the drugs taking effect. I blame it on the later and continue to enjoy another night of nothing out of the ordinary. These past few months have reassured me that I made the right decision in coming here. I should be worried about the fact that I am spending an obscene amount of my time with a future student, an underage student no less, but don’t want to sully the time we spend together. Regardless of the platonic nature of our relationship, fraternization between teacher and student is hardly encouraged. I doubt the school board would appreciate my sexual orientation either. I guess I’ve just never been one to follow the rules. Sometimes you _want_ to break the rules, and then sometimes you simply _have_ to. I could have written the kid off the moment he told me how young he was, but I didn’t. I felt an inherent need to be in his presence and I haven’t regretted the decision to keep him around...yet. 

 

I feel myself falling asleep and realize that it’s time to make our way back to my place. I run my fingers through his hair in hopes of waking him from his drug-induced reverie. His glazed and bloodshot eyes meet mine as he snaps back into reality. The ride home is spent pretending to listen to the mix tape he made me as our minds become occupied with thoughts of the future. How the hell am I supposed to handle this situation? I am the adult here. I have to be a professional, but I can’t imagine being able to think of Justin as just another student even if it’s only during school hours. 

 

As I speed along the deserted roads, I take in the sights and sounds and remember why I love smoking myself into this altered state. When the drugs hit your bloodstream the world burns just a little brighter. I experience everything with each of my senses. In this state of mind colors have sounds and the music floats around us as a soft haze blankets the world. 

 

We stumble through the doorway and make our way to the couch. He immediately makes himself at home, laying down in the fetal position while I contemplate tonight’s movie options. My eyes settle on _Citizen Kane_ and decide that this is as good a time as any to appreciate a classic. 

 

It’s a little past three in the morning when I start the film and make my way back over to the couch where Justin has decided to take up as much space as possible. He is laying on his side and I manage to climb over him and spoon up against his warm body as the movie plays. I wrap my arms around him against my better judgement and feel him press himself closer to me in his sleepy state.

 

I revel in this feeling because I’m afraid to discover what the future has in store for us. This moment is perfection and I want to drag it out for as long as possible. I am startled from my thoughts as Justin turns in my arms to face me. His eyes meet mine for what seems like an eternity and I feel myself release a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding as he snuggles against me, his head under my chin. I kiss his hair and hold him tighter as I give into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_This is easy as lovers go._  
So don't complicate it by hesitating.  
This is wonderful as loving goes.   
This is tailor made,   
What's the sense in waiting?  
-As Lovers Go, Dashboard Confessional

 

All I want for my seventeenth birthday is to wake up in Brian’s bed, but the fact that he hasn’t called me in three days makes that seem highly unlikely. I can’t help but feel like he is doing this on purpose. He hasn’t even come by the diner for his daily coffee fix. I wish that things were as simple as they seem in the movies. I wish that Brian and I could give into the longing we feel for each other, but that doesn’t seem to be an option. I remember the way he feigned indifference the last morning we spent together. I woke up on his couch with his arms wound tightly around me and his morning hard-on against my ass. When he finally woke up we greeted each other with awkward “good morning”s and Brian excused himself to take care of his no-so-little problem. When he came back we sat at his kitchen table in silence until he made a feeble attempt of acting like he had a lot to do that day and abruptly ushered me out the door. 

 

I just finished working the late shift and find myself walking home at midnight. The temperature has dropped considerably and I wrap my arms around myself as the roar of an engine alerts me to the fact that I am being followed. I don’t have to turn around to know that he’s finally come out of hiding. He calls my name and tells me to get my ass in the car. 

I get in without making eye contact and lean my head against the seat. He has the heater on, but the warmth I feel is brought on by his unwavering stare. I resist for about fifteen seconds before I surrender and turn to face him. He looks disheveled to say the least, like he has something on his mind. He clearly hasn’t bothered to shave since I last saw him and he’s sporting that just rolled out of bed look. He’s never looked more beautiful. 

 

He’s about to say something but stops himself and offers me a smirk instead as if that’s enough to make me forgive him for neglecting to keep in touch. And it is. I can’t stop myself from returning his smirk and relaxing into my seat as he puts the jeep in drive and takes off down the street. 

 

He must have sequestered himself away in his apartment while putting on his disappearing act because the ashtray is overflowing and beer bottles litter every available surface. We make small talk before settling on the couch and flipping through the channels on the television. We stay like this for a while before Brian speaks up.

 

“Have you thought about what you want for your birthday?”   
He can’t imagine how much I’ve thought about it, but I choose to keep my birthday wish to myself and answer with indifference, “I don’t need anything, but I’d appreciate anything you gave me.”  
After a thoughtful pause, Brian whispered the words he had been mulling over the last few days, “I think you are too young to accept what I am willing to give.”  
I want to take comfort in this not so subtle reference to his feelings for me, but instead I choose to concentrate on the negative, “Don’t do that. Don’t treat me like a child.”  
“That’s what you are Justin...”  
I cut him off before he can twist the knife into my chest any further, “Fuck you. If you have so little faith in my maturity level, I suggest you keep your distance. I’d hate to see you waste your time on a silly little boy.”  
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”  
“I only know what you tell me.” With that, I make my way out the door, cursing myself for wanting him even more, but not letting myself run back to him.


	4. Chapter 4

  
Author's notes: Note: I have a big psychology quiz tomorrow so I decided that I should write a new chapter instead of studying! Itâ€™s taken me a little while to update because of the overwhelming amount of positive feedback I have received. I began this thinking that it wouldnâ€™t be well received and now that there are people who are enjoying it, I feel immense pressure to figure out whatâ€™s happening in the story. When I began writing I had NO IDEA what the plot was so I am still working it out lol. I put a lot of effort into picking the lyrics at the beginning of the chapter. I try to select lyrics that reflect the emotions of the characterâ€™s, so I hope you take them into consideration when reading. Thank you so much for supporting my efforts and keep reviewing because it really helps motivate me! Sorry for the superfluous prelude haha.  


* * *

_I try but I'm not convincing_  
Your lips, they pout and twist, and   
**I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you.**  
You take in everything with a certainty I envy   
It's somehow all I need   
Just keep me guessing please 

__**A look, a laugh, a smile, a second  
Passes by and I regret it**  
Words just aren't right   
Sometimes I just can't explain   
All the ways you devastate me   
Always on my mind  
-The Tension and the Terror, Straylight Run

I realize the mistake I’ve made as soon as I hear the door slam shut behind him. I never meant for it to get to this point. I didn’t mean to reveal so much and piss him off in the process. The truth is that I’m scared. I’m scared as hell and I have just devastated the only person that I can open up to about it. I’m sure he assumes that I’m afraid of loosing my job or getting involved with jailbait, but those are the least of my worries. The feelings I have for this kid are terrifying to say the least. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I’ve never been the relationship type, and now I find myself willing to risk everything for a kid I’ve only known for a few months. It’s all very cliche, but it’s real and its depth is overwhelming. 

I glance at my watch and see that it’s nearing two and I can’t help but feel worried about Justin. It’s his birthday, and I know he won’t go home. I had planned on spending the day with him, but I doubt he wants to see me right now. My cellphone is ringing and I feel my heart lurch when I see Justin’s number on the display. 

I brace myself for the worst and answer the phone before he can hang up, “Hey, are you alright?”   
“Yeah, I just realized that I have nowhere to go...” I hear his voice falter and realize that he’s crying.   
“Where are you? I’ll pick you up.” I put my coat on and grab my keys as I head for the door.

As I pull into the train-station I spot Justin waiting for me on one of the benches near the track. He’s sitting with his arms wrapped tightly around his knees, bringing them close to his chest so that he can rest his head against them in an attempt to keep warm. He looks like an abandoned child, and in a way, I suppose he is. I take a few moments to appreciate the glow of his hair in the moonlight and the ethereal beauty it lends to his slight form before making my way over to him. 

“That was fast,” hey says as he peers up at me through a veil of unruly blonde hair.   
“Well there isn’t exactly an abundance of traffic at two in the morning, Sunshine.” I use the endearment without thinking and immediately feel butterflies in my stomach. He seems to take pleasure in my obvious embarrassment however, and his subsequent smile is enough to make the butterflies procreate exponentially.

I take a seat next to him and wipe a tear from his cheek as I take in his red-rimmed eyes and shivering body. I pull him into my arms and sigh in relief when I feel him return the embrace. He relaxes into my grip and I run one hand up the back of his neck and into his hair as I rub circles on his t-shirt clad back with the other. He tightens his hold on me and apologizes for being a brat. 

“I’m sorry for queening out on you back there. I overreacted.” He seems to be warming up and pulls back to look into my eyes and gage my reaction to his statement. I brush his hair out of his eyes and cup his cheek with my right hand, “Don’t worry about it. It’s your birthday and you can cry if you want to.” He giggles as he moves to hug me again. 

This time I pull away, “I picked up some videos. What do you say we head back to my place and indulge in our couch potato tendencies? We can deal with everything else later.” He stands up, taking my hand in his as he pulls me towards the jeep.


	5. Chapter 5

  
Author's notes: I apologize in advance for any weirdness in this chapter...I'm toasted  
and watching my _Beauty and the Beast_ VHS! Sometimes my muse needs a  
little herbal enhancement lol. As if that weren't made obvious by my  
characters' favorite pastime!  


* * *

__**You waited for me in the rain  
In the parking lot  
Cold hands, lips blue  
Clothes stuck to you**  
You could have phoned me for a ride  
It's a mess out there  
you said the rain's, the rain  
Some air'd be good for you  
(you can breathe, you can breathe now)  
It'd be good for you  
(you can breathe, but the air is running out) 

__**You get in my car  
Where its warm  
You cannot forget  
skin new, hands true  
My hands all over you**  
so what’s another night  
The seats rolled back  
We can't see through  
The rains the rain  
Some air'd be good for you 

_You can breathe, you can breathe now_  
You can breathe, but the air is running out  
You can breathe, you can breathe now  
You can breathe, but the air is running out on you  
-Jack’s Mannequin, MFEO Pt. 2 You Can Breathe 

 

It took me about fifteen minutes to realize that I had nowhere to go after I stormed out of Brian’s, and I certainly wasn’t going to turn around and beg for forgiveness. I trudged all the way to the train station. My clothes were heavy with the rain that had begun to fall the moment I stepped outside Brian’s building. The cool air of night and the developing rainstorm worked together to chill me to the core. I had always enjoyed nights like these, but in that moment I realized that it wasn’t the cold, damp air that had gained my fondness, but the comforting feeling of looking out at these wild nights from the warmth and security of shelter. 

When I reached the station, I sat down and wondered what the rest of my birthday had in store for me. The roar of a train broke the silence that had washed over my surroundings, and I lamented the fact that I was there to count it’s cars without Brian’s company. As the train left my view I decided that it was time to call him. 

Now I find myself reveling in the warmth of his jeep as he contemplates who-knows-what, in silence. He hands me a joint as we reach a stop light and I accept it without pause, happy for the distraction. As I begin to feel the effects of the weed I notice he is only driving with one hand; the other is tapping on the console between us. I decide to make a move with only the slightest hesitation. I slowly allow my hand to cover his, giving it a light squeeze as he glances as me questioningly.   
He doesn’t look my way again until we are parked outside his building and the engine has had more than enough time to cool down. When he finally does turn towards me, his expression is difficult to read and I cock my head to the side in hopes of deciphering it. After what seems like an eternity, Brian opens his door to step out of the jeep, his hand leaving mine as he moves towards the building’s entrance. He turns around as he grasps the handle and offers me a welcoming nod, prompting me to jump out of my seat and scurry in the door behind him. 

As promised, upon arriving at the apartment, we begin watching a stack of movies that Brian had gotten earlier, a good three feet separating our respective bodies as we lounge on the couch. 

I realize that I must have fallen asleep sometime during the last movie as I feel myself being gently coaxed awake by his whispered pleas. My eyes find his in the dark and I take his hand as he escorts me to his bedroom. 

I’ve spent most of my nights at his apartment since we met, but I’ve always slept on the couch, allowing him his space and privacy. Tonight I watch in confusion as Brian pulls a t-shirt and sweatpants from a drawer in the chest near his bedside. 

“Here, you can change out of those wet clothes and sleep in these,” he states quietly as I remove the clothing from his hands and look down at them in a daze.   
I begin removing my clothing without thinking and look up to catch Brian turning his back towards me as he says “Don’t worry, I won’t peek.” 

I look down at myself, regretting how young I must look in his too-big clothing. The pants are far too long and the shirt hangs down much further than intended, dwarfing my already small frame.

I tell him that it’s safe to turn around and watch his eyes fill with unmistakable longing as he comes to stand in front of me, sighing as he shoves his hands in his pockets.   
“You’re beautiful,” The words are whispered into the air so softly that they barely reach me, but they do, and I am frozen in place, waiting for him to go on. Instead, he removes his hands from his pockets and allows them to rest lightly on the sides of my face. I feel myself begin to quiver with anticipation as he moves his hands to the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my hair as his lips hover dangerously close to mine. I feel his hot breath against my face and close my eyes. Without warning, he crashes his mouth against mine, claiming me as his own. I moan and lean into him as his lips move against mine, his tongue working its way into my mouth, evoking the passion I have held inside for so long.


End file.
